Top 10 Wtf Sex Scenes
All top ten lists are, by their nature, subjective, but this one is especially so — because one person’s “WTF” sex scene is another person’s monkey spanking material. (Exhibit A: we’d qualify a lot of porn as WTF.)
10. CRASH (1996)
James Spader plays a TV commercial producer who enjoys lots of vanilla sex with his wife until he's involved in a car crash and overnight finds himself aroused by three-car pile-ups and the injuries they cause. Turns out there's a whole community of people who feel the same way (we suppose this notion was more shocking back in 1996, when there wasn't an internet chat room for every fetish under the sun). The entire movie is pretty WTF, but the, er, climactic moment occurs when Spader's character has sex with Rosanna Arquette's open leg wound. Yep, he did. Please don't make us type that again
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.9. PINK FLAMINGOS (1972)
Does it count as a WTF if it's a John Waters film? Isn't his name on the billboard kind of a heads-up? You say, "WTF, I want my money back" and the ticket guy says, "WTF, it's a John Waters movie, what did you expect?" But even for Waters, the scene where a couple has sex with a live chicken between their bodies is out there. And that's no rubber chicken. It's an actual, freshly dead chicken from the butcher shop that gets crushed between them while they do it. We're pretty sure that chicken didn't consent to be in a three-way chicken snuff film. (Apparently, the crew ate it afterwards. http://chuckpalahniuk.net/interviews/film-makers/john-waters-interview)
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo8. THE DOOM GENERATION (1995)
How to pick just one fucked up sex scene from this fucked up road movie that makes FREEWAY look like THE LITTLE MERMAID? Could it be when a teen boy eats his own semen? Or how about when another teen boy is castrated by a pair of garden shears, shortly after a MMF threeway? No, we think the winner is when Rose McGowan's character is raped with a statue of the virgin Mary. Yep, that'll do it.
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo7. AMERICAN PIE (1999)
Masturbation is as American as apple pie! The "feel-good" movie of the year. We're annoyed at ourselves for including this in the list, but how could we not? That would be like compiling a list of the Top 10 Movie Sex Scenes Involving Dairy Products and leaving out Marlon Brando and the butter.
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo6. HOWARD THE DUCK (1986)
We’ll forgive Lea Thompson anything -- even CAROLINE IN THE CITY -- because she starred in SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL. But can she forgive herself for starring in HOWARD THE DUCK? Check out her flirty bedside banter with a talking alien duck:
Howard (to Thompson's butt): "I have developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy."
Thompson: "I can't seem to find the right man."
Duck: "Maybe it's not a MAN you should be looking for."
Thompson (coy): "Do you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?"
She fondles him, his plume gets a hard-on and he apologizes like he came all over her thigh. She climbs on top and Duckie says he can't do it. "I was just kidding," she says (riiiight), and the movie goes on like we weren't about to witness Lea Thompson having alien duck sex.
For the record, this was a Spielberg and Lucas production. WTF?
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo5. BROWN BUNNY (2003)
When we watch Paris Hilton give some douche-bag guy a blowjob on screen, it's because she's a total airhead and lost track of her sex tape (oops!). When we watch Chloe Sevigny give some douche-bag filmmaker a blowjob on screen, it's art. In case you hadn't heard, Chloe Sevigny's blowjob was 100% un-simulated. We're not so sure about Paris Hilton's.
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo4. THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (FIRST SEQUENCE) (2009)
In this Dutch horror film, a German surgeon-slash-mad scientist kidnaps three tourists and turns them into a human centipede by stitching their mouths to each others' anuses. He laughs when the woman at the center of the centipede is forced to swallow excrement from the man at the front.
In case you thought this film was just a meditation on fascism and Nazi medical experimentation (what, you didn't get that?!), the direct-to-DVD sequel, THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2 (FULL SEQUENCE) (2011), shows a man watching the first film on his laptop while masturbating with sandpaper. Is that what you call meta porn? The man goes on to build his own human centipede out of twelve people -- except because he's just a regular ol' pervert and not a mad scientist, he uses a staple gun. Oh, and he rapes the back end of his human centipede with barbed wire.
In case you were wondering where such depravity springs from: the director of these movies got his start as a director on the Dutch Big Brother TV series.
Author: Em & Lo3. FAT GIRL (2001)
In this French film by Catherine Breillat, Elena and Anais are two sisters on a family vacation -- Elena is 15 and gorgeous; Anais is 12 and chubby. They're both virgins -- Elena says she wants to wait for love, while Anais insists it's better to get it over with. Then they meet a sexy Italian law student who sneaks into the girls' bedroom at night and tries to seduce Elena... while Anais, who pretends to be sleeping, watches through her fingers. Elena is unsure about sleeping with him and so he convinces her that anal sex doesn't really count as losing your virginity. You don't see the resulting anal sex; instead you hear what's happening (it's clearly painful for Elena) while watching Anais watching through her fingers -- but the effect is at least as disturbing as any of the other more explicit scenes on this list.
* For the U.S. version of semi-consensual underage deflowering, see the opening scene of KIDS. With bonus HIV infection! WTF.
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo
2. JACK FROST (1997)
A serial killer is genetically mutated in a car wreck on the way to his execution. In a David Cronenberg movie, he would then become turned on by car wrecks and gaping wounds. Instead he becomes a homicidal snowman. At one point he attacks Shannon Elizabeth in the bath and proceeds to rape her with his carrot penis -- at least, we think that's what's happening in the scene. But then again, he's a snowman, so it's kind of hard to tell. Maybe he's just stabbing her with his penis-carrot? Kind of makes us miss Cronenberg's wound fucking.
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo1. ANTICHRIST (2009)
This Lars Von Trier movie makes his BREAKING THE WAVES seem like a rom com. First you get marital sex -- between Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg -- that is deeply disturbing thanks to the way it is inter-cut with scenes of their baby boy falling out of his crib and dying -- just as the couple climaxes. Dead baby! WTF? But that's just the foreplay.
Later, Gainsbourg's character nails her husband's leg in place using a drill and then smashes his balls so hard they actually come off. She then gives him a handjob. We'll say that again: she gives his twig-with-no-berries a handjob and when he climaxes -- is that even physiologically possible?! -- he ejaculates blood. And then -- seriously, there's actually more to come -- she takes a pair of scissors and cuts off her own clitoris. Hey, who needs a cuddle now?!
Looking for a steamy night in with numero uno? Watch LOVERS LOUNGE, Every Saturday at Midnight.
Author: Em & Lo
