Top 10 Twitter Phonies
If people are making fake twitter’s after you, whether it’s good or bad, you have made it!
10. Notorious BIG
Some of the best fake Twitter accounts are the ones that are written from beyond the grave. Since we all miss Biggie more than we can say, I'm glad that someone took it upon themselves to start a stream of his thoughts as if he were still alive.
He's like your sage grandfather if your grandfather was also a thug with a taste for lobster dinners. He is constantly being hassled by Puffy, who is ostensibly the annoying little brother of the feed: ''listening to puffy talk about some Blondie joint and the world ending on saturday'' or ''listening to puffy talk about thongs.''
And as usual, he lays down the thug law on how to deal with life's daily annoyances: ''know you heard this before: never get high on your own supply.'' He was a wise man in life and thus a wise man on Twitter.
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.9. Fake Diplo
#9. When you're an internationally acclaimed DJ with a sexy bod and a cute face, trouble lurks behind every corner. Whether it's hooking up with minors or experimenting with hallucinogens, the real Diplo tweets about it all.
That can only be enhanced in hilarity by a fake Twitter account that takes his absurdity to its critical mass. The fake Diplo has an admirably romantic way with words: ''im currently on a heroin bender, on a dog leash and with tape on my nipples.''
He also attempts to start riots and rumors with tweets like ''COACHELLA CANCELLED !! RT RT.'' In a way, it is incredibly difficult to distinguish the real from the fake, mostly because I'm fairly sure that the real Diplo has tweeted the exact same things.
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans8. LeBron James
Whether you're a fan or a hater, there is no denying that LeBron James has an insurmountably large ego. So large, in fact, that an entire Twitter feed can exist to channel its thoughts, which can't possibly be that far off from the inside of the real King James' brain.
And to really drive the point home, the entire thing is in all caps. As is known worldwide, Bron is an advocate of humility: ''THANK U SCOTTIE PIPPEN WHOEVER U ARE FOR SAYING THAT I AM BETTER THAN JORDAN WHICH YES I DO AGREE WITH.''
He also keeps up with current events and politics: ''I BELIEVE OBAMA IS AMERICAN BUT I STILL DON'T BELIEVE HOW NICE MY SMOOTHIES ARE. WHY MUST I BE THE SMOOTHIE KING? MY GIFT & MY CURSE.'' But most of all, his dedication to the city that made him who he is today: ''BACK TO CLEVELAND TONIGHT. SO MANY MEMORIES. I MISS ALL THOSE PLACES I PRETEND TO MISS.''
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans7. Michael Cera
Michael Cera is a polarizing celebrity. Some people think that he is a sweet, lovable actor with a boyish quality that will charm the pants off of anyone.
Others think that he is a pathetic and weak baby who can play no other role but the role of ''himself,'' which is a pale and meek wet blanket. Regardless, he was on one of the greatest TV shows of all time, so he at least deserves his own fake Twitter.
The feed portrays him as an easily bruised, glass-boned crybaby (thus the name ''weak baby'') and can border on harsh. But in some of the lighter moments, we get a hilarious portrait of what people think he is really like: ''I bought every Coachella ticket. I had to. #dontbumpintome #easilybruised.'' Have you ever wondered how Cera handles the red carpet? ''When I'm on the red carpet, everyone can stop asking who I'm wearing. It's always OshKosh B'Gosh. #baby #jeans.''
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans6. BP Public Relations
In so many ways, the BP Public Relations Twitter was one of the first to spark the idea for many more fake accounts. Legitimately, as you first get to their feed, you might be convinced that it’s real.
The design is clean and official looking and the logo and font are the same as the real company (which always made me wonder how they weren’t getting sued). A few tweets in, however, you’ll realize that this is a satire as thick and dense as oil itself.
BP made some pretty ridiculous choices after their giant fuck-up, and all of them are captured perfectly through their fake PR Twitter: ''If we had a dollar for every complaint about this oil spill, it wouldn't compare to our current fortune. Oil is a lucrative industry!''
Or a lesson in semantics: “Catastrophe is a strong word, let's all agree to call it a whoopsie daisy.” Though at the heart of this Twitter account there is an outcry against corporate injustice, we can't help but laugh anyway. There will always be humor in the hash tag #bpcares.
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans5. Bronx Zoo Cobra
Earlier this year, an Egyptian cobra ''escaped'' from the Bronx Zoo, giving the entire city one big shot at exploiting it. And what better way to draw attention to its awesomeness than by creating it a freaking hysterical Twitter?
The account is like Baby’s Day Out for snakes, and accompanied by the amazing hash tag #snakeonthetown, the tweets from when the snake was M.I.A. read like a New York City guidebook.
''Thinking about seeing 'How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.' That Daniel Radcliffe really speaks to me. #snakeonthetown'' or ''On top of the Empire State Building! All the people look like little mice down there. Delicious little mice. #snakeonthetown.'' When the cobra was eventually found, the parseltongue tweets still continued, and a star was born.
What's she up to these days now that she's been returned to the zoo? Of course, trying to escape again: ''Could I convince you to release one more thing today @BarackObama? #helpasnakeout.''
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans4. Tobias Funke
Infamous never-nude Tobias Funke is the perfect subject for a fake Twitter account. He has enough unforgettable gems from the three seasons of Arrested Development to fuel a real Twitter for months, but it's even more fun to put words in his mouth.
Innocently, Tobia can make activities as simple as buttering toast seem like a three-day orgy. Two days after Thanksgiving had passed, Tobias tweeted ''Whoops, I got my dates messed up. Already got stuffed full of meats last week! Oh Tobias, you old so and so.'' And he sees nothing wrong with this. At all.
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans3. Rahm Emanuel
During Rahm Emanuel's mayoral race in Chicago, a fake Twitter was started by a journalism professor that mimicked Emanuel's rumored intensity and aggression. And after reading the entire feed from the bottom up, we all had the sincere hope that Emanuel was actually like that in person: ''
Girl Scouts on Cottage Grove! I am going to fuck up this box of Samoas!'' Its common knowledge that he has a foul mouth in real life but this Twitter, with no political asses to kiss, was allowed to go absolutely wild.
''I'M FUCKING RIDING ON THE BODIES OF THE MEN AND WOMEN OF CHICAGO, AND I FUCKING LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOU'' was fake Rahm's response to winning the election.
And his take on adorable animals: ''MOTHERFUCKING BABY GOAT ALERT. Holy fuck, it's so goddamn cute it hurts.'' Truly, though it is satire, it feels so real. Now if we could get an Ari Emanuel fake feed going, we'd be solid. Can you even imagine the things they'd tweet at each other? Fucking priceless.
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans2. Fake AP Stylebook
No one knows how to write anymore. Your bachelor's degree counts for something, but it isn't going to be there when you realize your doctorate dissertation is riddled with pathetic and ugly grammatical errors.
When you are swamped beneath the pages of the AP Stylebook, this Twitter account will be your best friend. A lot of its tweets are inside jokes with people who actually understand grammar, but it's also peppered with lines on how to make light of the awful task of writing well.
''Running out of space? Just end abruptly with, 'Only time will tell if this development resolves the issue.'' Only time will tell if this development resolves the issue.
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans1. Jesus
Who needs a Bible when there's a perfectly good Twitter feed to follow? And since tweets are restricted to 140 characters, that leaves us all more time to pray and worship, not just read lengthy Bible passages. Right?
Well, one would hope J.H. Christ would be down with this since his Twitter (possibly fake) is followed by many and loved by all. It isn't all about preaching the word or telling us how to act—that would be boring.
Instead, Jesus's followers get the chance to see how the big man lives, which is basically beyond our wildest dreams. ''Drinking a coke with a polar bear. I know, right!'' What a lucky dude.
Or fulfilling the yearly allotment for hilarious memes: ''About to make a triple rainbow.'' And since he is the all-knowing one, he provides answers to the mysteries of life through concise social networking: ''The chicken came first. Duh.''
Tune in as we undress pop culture's most beloved obsessions. Don't miss LOVE LUST | THE SOCIAL NETWORK and more, Tuesdays at 10p.
Author: Dayna Evans
