Top 10 Movies Not Afraid Of Real Lady Parts
I know the very IMPORTANT opinions of the showrunner and executive producer of “Two and A Half Men” are probably almost TOO important to you people. So you probably agree with him when he says there are just too many tv shows and movies starring women these day. I mean why wouldn’t you? He’s the guy that came up with the solution to: “but what happens when three men are too much?” I happen to be on the same page as this dude. There are too many models on Entourage, too many Victoria’s Secret Specials, too many women wearing bikinis on Spike TV, and most of all, there are too many women having sex with Ashton Kutcher on Two and A Half men. I happen to like a movie with a little more bite to it–starring females that are asskickers, every day heroes, or just happen to not worry what they look like in a bikini. You know, girls that stay away from TURTLE (Entourage shout out!) and perhaps might be a role model for the millions of young girls out there who are six and already starting to worry about their love handles. Here are my favorites:
10. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Olive, who definitely has the BEST name to put on cream cheese, doesn’t give a hoot that she doesn’t look like all those weirdo pageant girls. She doesn’t care that she has a little tummy. She does what we all want to do: dance to SuperFreak with Greg Kinner in front of a bunch of people who no longer want to watch her doing so.
9. 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
Kat, played by Julia Stiles, is sassy in the ska 90s way that she wears a lot of earrings and likes girl bands. She’s the first high school feminist I was ever exposed to, which is why I started saying “whatever” a lot while reading books like Reviving Ophelia. She doesn’t care about subjecting herself to the patriarchy and therefore gets the hottest guy in school. Challenge ACCEPTED, Kat!
Author: Alida Nugent8. THE PRINCESS DIARIES
Sure, Anne Hathaway straightens her hair in this movie instead of leaving it ‘stuck in the rain and I am a dog’ chic. But that doesn’t mean she’s not a kickass lady! Sometimes I have to electrocute my hair until it stops misbehaving, and most of the time that doesn’t even work very well. The point is, she puts on some lipstick and stuff but also becomes a princess of an entire country!
This is a way better thing to aspire to than ‘human breast implant’ and she does a pretty decent job of it, I think. There are no wars going on in the fictional country of Genovia, right? It hasn’t exploded? Oh my god, she’s ruined it. It doesn’t even EXIST anymore! Girl Reigning Power!
Author: Alida Nugent7. SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS
These girls were more interested in wearing pants than fitting into them. That’s because they DEFINITELY always fit into the pants. That was the premise of the movie: four really independent girls fit into this one pair of pants and even draw on them but their parents don't yell at them for that.
They are all really smart and don't care about boys that much, but realize it's okay to care a little bit about boys, just as long as they are all really supportive of each other and don’t do drugs or go on diets. Then David Cross watched it and thought “that Amber Tamblyn sure is pretty” and now they are dating. Does anybody think he liked her more in this or Joan of Arcadia? Answer: both are actually pretty good.
Author: Alida Nugent6. LITTLE WOMEN
If you were a kid and you wanted to be one of the ladies in Little Women instead of a Spice Girl, you probably were made fun of in high school but ended up being one of the most successful females in your graduating class. Nerds unite!
Anyway, if you wanted to be Jo you were a maybe lesbian but you read all the books on your summer reading list and didn’t care too much about your hair. If you loved Beth you were a little suicidal and probably weird, but were good at baking pies. If you loved Meg you had a thing for redheads and you probably have a bunch of kids, but you are brassy and independent so nobody minded. Finally, if you loved Amy you probably are a little bratty but people call you ‘precocious’ and wanted to sleep with Christian Bale.
Author: Alida Nugent5. DEATH PROOF
When some of your friends get killed, you get revenge. When some of your friends get killed, you follow the guy who did it and you beat him to death with pipes and your feet. It’s like a ladies code thing, if all of our lady friends were good at high-speed car chases instead of getting really drunk at brunch.
Author: Alida Nugent4. BRIDESMAIDS
Whenever somebody says that BRIDESMAIDS is THE HANGOVER for ladies, I get annoyed. It’s WAY BETTER than THE HANGOVER, because it’s actually believable! We might not steal a tiger from Mike Tyson, but we’ve sure as hell gotten so sick from cheap Brazilian chicken we’ll go to the bathroom in a sink if we have to. We might not pull out our own teeth with pliers, but we’ll sure as hell be jealous when our best friend becomes real close with Skinny Rich Barbie.
This is the dark side of ladies, but it’s real and funny and oh-so-accurate. It’s us! But funnier! This movie also wins an award for making Jon Hamm seem...not so attractive, which technically should be impossible.
Author: Alida Nugent3. LET ME IN
She's a vampire that doesn't sparkle. She's a vampire that doesn’t fall in love with an equally attractive vampire while they stare at each other with golden eyes are something. Chloe Moretz plays a vampire that will rip out your throat and still can’t legally drive. Chloe Moretz plays a vampire that will destroy you. In a world where vampires wear belly shirts and grind to pop music, this is just the anecdote a lady needs.
Author: Alida Nugent2. GHOST WORLD
Enid (played by Thora Birch) is a recent high school graduate who doesn’t give two hoots about her hair, save that one time she dyed it green and got mad when nobody recognized it was ‘original punk.’ She’s the living, breathing version of Daria, except with more of a desire to listen to records and flirt with Steve Buscemi.
This is the kind of coming-of-age story that any kickass female can relate to: it’s about the same song you listen to over and over again, it’s about sitting in diners, it’s about hating everybody you meet, it’s about finally learning how to grow up and get out. Painful, funny, and just a tinge cruel.
Author: Alida Nugent1. TINY FURNITURE
Lena Dunham, pre-GIRLS, used to have longer hair. She also had many of the same problems that she does today, but in movie form instead of on television. Watch her struggle as a poor college graduate who lives with her family and doesn’t have many job prospects and is also kind of a terrifying real, look at what being 20-something is.
Dunham, however, has one thing we all gotta have: “We gotta have faith.” She’s confident in herself, confident in her body, and confident that it will all work out okay soon. You’ve just got to keep on moving, and sometimes have sex on a construction site with your coworker.
Author: Alida Nugent
