10. We Make Best Friends
While we gay men love, love, love straight women, we'd never trade in being gay. Why you may ask? Because being a gay man is the best of two worlds: we can borrow the best from masculine and feminine stereotypes. Here's my top ten reasons why it's better to be a gay man.
We Make Best Friends. You know it. We're dependable. We're fierce advocates. We'll hold your hair when you're puking. Tell you you're thin when you need to hear it most. We'll dance with you and and celebrate with you and fight for you. We'll protect you from asshole straight men and dress you up and take you out. And most importantly we'll always be there. Like Cher, like Madonna, we too, never go away.
9. We don't objectify women
We may want to doll you up in sequins and up-dos and false lashes. But when we look at you straight women we see who you are, not what we want to do to you. And that is why you need us in your lives. We love women. Our mothers were our best friends. And we love and appreciate you for who you are. Straight guys, even the good ones, are looking at your ass. And chest. We're not. Believe me. So know you're safe from those stares with us. We're good like that.
8. We're dancing machines
Think of the last wedding you attended. When Donna Summer burst from the stereo who was the first person out on the floor giving Travolta a run for his money? Not your grandmother, I bet! Gay guys are always the first, and last, on the dance floor. We're a party wherever we go. Don't even think you can outlast us.
7. We make people laugh
I often say gays are angels on earth. We're here to cheer you up and make you laugh and get you singing. We love life, love meeting new people, and we love to laugh at you, with you, and even at ourselves. Straight girls are funny too. But, sorry, we're funnier. Though we're best with partners who matches us blow by blow: remember Jack and Karen?
6. No kids
Why do we have more money? Easy one. We don't have kids. Straight women get burdened down with those little beasts. Not us. Well, not all of us. There are some gays with babies, but, um, they're the exception to the norm. Us normal gays are good in the presence of kids for about an hour. So keep your babies. We'll keep our cash.
Disposable incomes. Yep. We make more money and have more discretionary income. All marketing studies point to this. And just look at your homo friend's Facebook walls. We travel the globe, often times in Speedos and in groups, and it's expected. It is our gay duty to cover the world in glitter and fun.
4. The Gym
At the gym women are ogled by straight guys. It can be intimidating and hard. Many girls I know go to all-female gyms because they a. don't want to be looked upon like slabs of meat and b. they don't want to be sweaty messes in front of their possible future husbands. Gay guys like the attention at the gym. And we, unlike you, look hotter sweaty.
3. We can wear sweats and still hook up
Straight girls go through so many rituals to pretty themselves up. We do not need to go to such extremes. Gay guys don't need to straighten our hair, line our eyes, or squeeze into Spanks. Hell, we can put on a baseball cap and a pair of sweats and appear hotter than if we primped for hours. You'd not get attention if you wore sweats to a bar. Well, maybe you would, but not the type your little straight heart desires.
2. Madonna, Lady Gaga, and Cher
You straight women may also collect the music of these three icons. And, yes, they are straight women. However, don't get too big for your britches. These three women are gayer than Elton John. They have built their empires on our (shirtless, waxed) backs. And when we listen to their music we know they're singing to us. Not you. Just saying.
1. Casual Sex
There I said it. Gay men are lucky. We have the sex drives of our straight male counterparts, without the emotional attachment our lady friends have to sex. That's a win-win situation. We hook up often and without any headache.