Top 10 Ben Franklin Brain Farts
Ben Franklin’s inventions range from electricity to bifocals. Check out how else Ben Franklin contributed to our world.
10. Lightning Rod
Most people think of Ben Franklin as the guy who invented electricity. If that were humanly possible for him to do, his face would be on a lot more than the hundred-dollar bill. Needless to say, there is definitely a reason that his mischievous grin stares back at us when we’re dropping hundreds (not that we have ever had plural hundred(s) in our hand).
Franklin invented the lightning rod, which is the reason that buildings don’t get electrocuted every time there is a scary storm. Folklore dictates that Franklin, being a scholar and a gentleman, actually sent his son outside to test his key experiment in a lightning storm.
Since there are no facts to back that up, the image of portly Franklin running around like a crazy person in a lightning storm yelling “Eureka!” and “I invented electricity!” is one of the better images American history has ever produced.9. Odometer
My car has 145,000 miles on it. Not only is it amazing that it still drives but it’s amazing that I haven’t died in a fiery blaze due to how unpredictably parts keep falling off of it while I’m on the road.
Not surprisingly, I have Ben Franklin to thank for keeping me in the know about the mileage of my car. When Franklin was in charge of the postal service, he put an odometer on his carriage as a way to calculate the mileage for his postal routes. Hundreds of years later, it’s the reason why my janky Volkswagen Cabriot won’t sell.
Author: Dayna Evans8. Fire Department
While B.Frank was visiting England, he noticed that when a building went up in flames, people didn’t just stand around saying, “That’s too bad.” Instead, there was an organized group of men who would attend to the fire, and in some fortunate cases, put it out.
Franklin, being the entrepreneur that he was, saw this as an opportunity for his adopted land of America and for his favorite city of all time, Philadelphia, to get a fire department of their own. So maybe he jacked this idea from the Commonwealth instead of actually inventing it.
But the alternative would be all of Philadelphia burning to the ground, so let’s just be grateful that Franklin was occasionally a shiesty idea thief.
Author: Dayna Evans7. Bifocals
Bifocals are one of Franklin’s inventions that almost everyone knows when you ask what he’s invented. Oh, yeah—bifocals! But when it comes down to it, almost no one actually knows what makes them different from regular old glasses. (Or maybe that’s just me?)
Well, after some thorough research, bifocals made such a splash when they were invented because they have two different optical powers in one lens. Trippy! And of course, when we see any picture of Ben Franklin, we see his gigantic face dwarfing his very own bifocals.
The man is a walking advertisement for his astounding successes and that makes him an American hero.
Author: Dayna Evans6. The Long Arm
One can be sure that Ben Franklin’s heart was always in the right place, which is proven by his invention of the long arm. You can find this novelty at dollar stores and carnivals in our modern day, but back in Franklin’s time, the long arm was an incredible new innovation.
As an avid reader, it troubled Franklin that when he got older, he began to find it more difficult to reach books on high shelves. This inspired him to invent a long rod with a gripper on the end that could pull the books down for him. This might be considered lazy, but in reality, it’s simply genius.
Author: Dayna Evans5. Fart Proudly
A notorious jokester, Franklin found certain crude topics to be the highlight of life and wrote prolifically about them in various gazettes and pamphlets that he would print at his own printing press. The best one by far is Fart Proudly, a scientific essay discussing in detail ways to making flatulence more agreeable to the masses.
Franklin artfully suggests that perhaps there would be a way to make the scents of farts more pleasantly perfumed, in turn taking the humiliation out of letting one rip. The best part about Fart Proudly is that Franklin wrote it in response to the ever-growing pretentiousness that he saw in the European scientific community.
Though I don’t doubt his investment in actually experimenting with his scientific findings, Franklin really was just trying to mess with some people, as the declares at its conclusion that other scientific investigations were “scarcely worth a FART-HING.” Amazing.
Author: Dayna Evans4. Glass Armonica
If you really needed more proof that Ben Franklin was a giant baller, then look no further than the glass armonica. Sounds nerdy, you might say. Okay, well how about you think of it in these terms: You know in the movie Miss Congeniality how Sandra Bullock’s beauty pageant talent is to play stupid melodies on crystal glasses filled with water?
Well, Benjamin Franklin knew about that long before she did and decided that the technology wasn’t advanced enough. So he turned all the glasses sideways, put them on a wooden stand, and made a freaking instrument out of them. Do you know who then composed songs specifically written for the glass armonica? Mozart and Beethoven. That’s some new level G status.
Author: Dayna Evans3. Productivity
The internet, in all its glory, has made us lazy and unproductive human beings. Or at least it looks that way when we’re compared to the likes of Benjamin Franklin, who had to be most freakishly productive person in the history of the world. So much so that I am convinced he invented productivity.
His daily schedule was introduced to the world in his autobiography (which is an awesome read, by the way), wherein Franklin tells us that he not only wakes up every morning at five a.m., he also has an hour of his day dedicated to “putting things in their places.” I can’t remember the last time I put something in its place, or at least did it for an hour, and Franklin’s four hours of sleep puts us all to shame.
This man made time for music, conversation, and diversions (which are specifically noted for action between 6 and 10 p.m.) while he was attempting to found a country. What have you done lately?
Author: Dayna Evans2. Swim Fins
Despite his hilariously rotund body and affection for food, Franklin was actually quite an athlete (I know, right?). His favorite method for keeping off the pounds was swimming, and he even at one point considered becoming a full-time swim instructor, which would have been an unforgivable disaster for the United States.
While swimming remained a hobby and being a founding father carried on as his full-time employment, he still made time to invent some crazy swimming-related nonsense, such as swim fins. Swim fins, according to Franklin’s invention, were like flippers for one’s hands to improve pace while swimming.
Frankly, that is awesome. With any luck, next summer’s Olympics will reintroduce these bad boys to the world so that Franklin can finally get his aquatic dues.
Author: Dayna Evans1. Synonyms for being drunk
Don’t you think a man who made fart jokes and smiled coyly also liked to participate in drink or two? Why, of course he did. In another one of his famous essays printed in 1737, Franklin provides the reader with over two hundred synonyms for being drunk.
Over two hundred! That’s no easy feat, and I would know because I’ve been trying to invent that many for my whole life. Some of the best ones include “He’s had a thump over the head with Sampson’s jawbone” and “Sir Richard has taken off his considering cap.” Did you drink a few too many flagons of ale? You’ve probably “eaten the cocoa nut” or “seen a flock of moons.” Put back four or five goblets of mead?
Franklin might tell you that you’ve “seen the yellow star” or you’ve “been too free with Sir John Strawberry.” It’s like poetry. Beautiful, drunken poetry.
Author: Dayna Evans
