BeautifulAgony.com launched in 2004 as a response to what the founders saw as a vacuum of real erotica on the Internet. It features videos of contributors’ o-faces, i.e. orgasms from the neck up. Hundreds and hundreds of videos later — they update each weekday — the site is still going strong. It’s heavy-breathing sexy without being obscene in the slightest — quite an accomplishment. You have to pay to join ($14.95 a month) but there are plenty of free samples in case your sex life is on a recession-induced budget. We chatted with c0-founder Lauren Olney about the site:
Do you post every video you receive?
Unfortunately not all the videos we receive make the cut. Mostly it’s technical problems that prevent us from using a contribution: poor lighting, framing, or flashing a little too much flesh. Anything that’s obviously faked or exaggerated will also get politely declined we’re looking for authenticity, genuine emotion — and believe me, after five years, we know how to spot a fake! We also require a Confessions interview with each Beautiful Agony submission, so if a contributor is not willing to speak openly and honestly about themselves and/or their experiences on camera, then we can’t really use their “o-face” video, no matter how sensational it might be.
Zach Galifianakis is one of those weirdo comedians you either love or you hate. We love him, mostly for his entirely inappropriate sexual humor. So if you haven’t checked out his Funny or Die series, “Between Two Ferns”, we recommend you blow off work for 15 minutes and do so. It’s a super low-budge talk show in which he interviews — or should we say berates? insults? assaults? — big-name celebrities who are so A-list you’ll wonder how he got them to agree to be guests (of course, they’re in on the joke, but still). The interviews with Charlize Theron, Michael Cera, Natalie Portman and Jon Hamm are the ones with the best cringe-worthy material. (He actually asks “Don Drapper”, totally deadpan, if he’s fingered any of his fellow “Mad Men” characters. Oh man.) It’s not high art, but it’s a pretty good commentary on the necessary evil of social niceties.
Years ago, we were part of the team that created Nerve.com’s Position of the Day. The challenge was coming up with the positions; the fun was coming up with the names: “The Quasimodo,” “The Wet Blanket,” the “I Can See My House from Here.” So we were really curious about the Snuggie Sutra, a website listing the various sexual positions you can get into while wearing (and sharing) a Snuggie. (Their tagline: “You have a Snuggie. You have sex. This was inevitable.”) It had promise: the illustrations are cute and some of the descriptions are good (”The Tablecloth [pictured above] — She lies on the table. He wears the Snuggie on his front while the bottom end covers her. It’s just not a holiday without stuffing”). But it ends after a measly 12 entries! Weak. Try coming up with 365 positions for a page-a-day calendar, then we’ll talk. (Of course, this begs the question: do we really want to go through 365 Snuggie Sutra entries? We got the joke — and our fill — by about 10.)
We were once fond of telling people who’ve been dumped to buy a box of red wine and watch some good mindless action movies. But we’ve now got a better idea: buy a box of rose (it is summer, after all) and spend a few hours scrolling through the archives of FAIL Blog. (If you have yet to visit this site, we’re jealous, because there’s nothing like the magic of one’s first time.) It’s a photo and video archive of shit gone wrong in the world. We don’t care if your now-ex cheated on you with your best friend since grade school and then told you that those pants actually do make you look fat — you’ll still laugh at the Chocolate Chip Muffin Fail. Here are a few recent sex-related gems:
Just in case one of your friends hasn’t forwarded you this new website yet, check out AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. In the awesome tradition of FAILblog and The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks, Awkward Family Photos aims to “spread the awkwardness,” in their case by collecting some of the most horrendous displays of familial unity — and hilariously captioning them.
