Naked news: the frothy mixture edition

With Santorum’s recent surge in the polls, it’s important to take time out to remind ourselves what a crazy sex-police zealot he is:

• Writing about Santorum’s “Google problem,” a New York Times writer says Dan Savage’s prank was in response merely to the senator’s opposition to gay marriage, so Dan Savage sets him straight (try Santorum’s comparison of homosexuality to bestiality and child rape); the writer corrects his mistake.
• On Funny or Die, Dan Savage comedically threatens to change the definition of the name “Rick” if Santorum doesn’t agree to stop attacking gay people during his campaign.

“Bounce That Dick,” feminist or not?

When we were sent a link to the new YouTube video “Bounce That Dick” on the Jenna Marbles channel, we didn’t know what to expect: some kind of safe-for-work sexual technique advice video by a porn star turned educator? Then, during the first 30 seconds, our hopes were raised, as the young “blogger and entertainer” began a rap parody, stating with much braggadocio, “I’ve been told since the day I started growing pubes to shake my ass. Well, guess what, my ass is fucking tired as shit. This time it’s your turn to wiggle your man junk for me. I wanna see you shake your muthafuckin penis, bitch.”

Toward a 2012 peace treaty in the battle of the sexes

As you may have noticed (we’re not exactly subtle on this point), we don’t buy the idea that men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and shuttles between the two are infrequent at best. We tend to think that women and men are a lot more alike than rumor (or headline) has it — especially when it comes to sex and love. But this is not to say that men and women are alike in all matters of love and lust. We’ll even go so far as to admit that some of the cliches about the gulf between men and women turn out to be true.

The top 10 sex scandals of 2011

It’s the most top-10-list time of year! And we’re not even going to try to resist its allure. 2011 was no stranger to sex scandals (is any year?). Most were political and/or not really all that surprising. And so, without further ado:

photo of DSK graffiti via Flickr

1. DSK

2. Shirtless congressman on Craigslist

3. Arnold’s love child

Why all articles about sex use a photo of feet sticking out from the covers

While doing a little internet research, our intern Alyssa came across this article from the Telegraph UK entitled “Average Man Has 9 Sexual Partners in Lifetime, Women Have 4” accompanied by a photo like one of those above. Next to the link she sent, Alyssa wrote: “Random Side Note: Why do they always use photos of feet sticking out of a bed for these sex stories? Who has sex with cold feet like that? Doesn’t it make anyone else feel comfortable staring at these random people’s feet? Seriously!” It’s a legitimate (and funny) question.

My hopes for HBO’s “Girls”

HBO’s teaser trailer for Lena Dunham’s upcoming series Girls proves that everybody on television is having sex.

If that sounds too broad for you, let me put it another way—every girl on television and living in New York City is having sex. It might not be attractive or pretty or without use of the word ‘lube,’ but it’s something that is happening. In fact, it’s probably better television fare if it’s kind of gross. Gritty and unattractive are the new ‘honest’—like Kristen Wiig’s sex scene in BRIDESMAIDS or all the dark jokes in 2 Broke Girls. Sex has returned to its rightful place in the bottom of the gutter, and most female-centric comedies this season aren’t afraid to lay in it. It’s clear that the Sex and The City look-at-all-of-my-pretty-shoes-Lady is dead, only to be replaced by a vintage dress-wearing version who can’t stop rolling her eyes. She’s your new girl of the moment, and she’s certainly prevalent in Girls. She’s poor. She’s in charge of her sexual prowess but barely in charge of everything else, including her flailing limbs. No, I’m kidding, she’s not really in charge of anything because he’s not calling her back.

Car crash sex on TV

We recently ran a post on EMandLO.com about television shows with hot sex scenes, but if we’re being honest, the stuff that really floats our boats is the hilarious, cringe-worthy stuff that just seems a lot more realistic — after all, sex is often awkward, full of miscommunication, with some head bonking and disappointment, maybe tears. Which is why we loved, loved, LOVED last night’s episode of New Girl on Fox. We’ll admit, we were pretty eh about the pilot — it was close, but no cigar. So we never scheduled a second date with the show. But a friend encouraged us to give it another chance last night and we are so glad we did — because we can’t remember the last time we laughed so hard, especially not from of a television show (we’re talking tears and stomach pain). Not to get your hopes up, but it’s one of the best sex scenes we’ve ever seen on TV* — it should win an Emmy. We liked it so much, we went online so we could watch the earlier “penis” episode (officially titled “Naked”), which also did not disappoint. Oh, if only the same could be said for sex.

Naked News: Teen sexting “epidemic”? Turns out we should all chillax

• Here’s something to LOL about: A new study shows that the whole teen sexting thing was — shocker — largely media hype, and that only 1% of kids age 10-17 have texted an explicit picture of themselves. And a million teens roll their eyes and say “We told you so.”
  
  
• Speaking of overreacting: Turns out that the trope that “men think about sex every 7 seconds” is total bull (Again: shocking, we know.) Actual research shows that men think about sex, on average, 18.6 times a day — and for women the average is 9.9 times a day. Not exactly the distance from Mars the Venus, right? For comparison: men think about food almost 18 times a day (and women almost 15 times a day).
  
  

A Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys Relationship Primer

The GWLBWLB objective is to have fun.

Symbiotic relationships have proven successful in the ongoing battle against natural selection. Take, for instance, the Clown Fish and Sea Anemone or the Homosexual Male and his Best Girlfriend. Both bonds persevere thanks to a certain chemistry. For gay men and straight women it may have something to do with their mutual attraction to men (sometimes the same one), but perhaps it’s deeper, as if nature, or some ‘Intelligent Designer,’ thought to create an ideal way for the sexes to coexist.

This American Laugh: Ira Glass’ sex tape

If you’re an NPR junkie, you’re going to love this. It’s an 11-minute spoof of a “This American Life” episode featuring a story about host Ira Glass making a celebrity sex tape. All the elements are there: Ira Glass’s go-to phrases, input from Alex Blumberg, the clever mood music, the end credits with a shout out to WBEZ general manager Torey Malatea…

Naked news: Can you tell me how to get (off) to Sesame Street?

• This is just wrong: The Sesame Street YouTube channel was hacked and, yes, porn was put up.
  
  
• It’s about time: An FBI committee moves to update the definition of rape.
  
  

A poem called “Promiscuous”

It’s not often that you wake up to NPR and hear Garrison Keillor saying “slut” over and over again, but today was a lucky day! His AM installment of The Writer’s Almanac, a five minute collection of poetry and literary history, concluded with the poem “Promiscuous” by William Matthews, from Search Party: Collected Poems, which is like Wheaties for feminist linguistic nerds who majored in English and keep deep-thought journals. Here’s the first half. Read the rest at Writer’s Almanac:

Now playing on Sundance Channel: NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS

Any movie with full frontal male nudity in the first five minutes is automatically a winner in our book. And that’s what you get with 2008′s NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS, the last in September’s “Lover’s Lounge” series on the Sundance Channel (airing Saturday night/Sunday morn, September 25th at 12:45am and again at Tue night/Wed morn at 2:30am – set your Tivos).

The coolest presentation of sex survey results ever

Lists of survey percentages can feel so blah on the page, even when they’re about sex. Not anymore! Introducing The Sexualizer 1000, an interactive visualization of the twenty-question sex survey results of 1,000 Brits. (And the fact that it’s about UK citizens only makes it slightly less interesting). The Sexualizer, an offshoot of the Sexperience website from the Channel 4 Sex Education Show, allows you to ask questions and follow each individual’s response:

Naked News: Ben & Jerry’s Schweddy Balls

• Ben & Jerry’s best flavor ever: Schweddy Balls!
  
  
• A little baldy on little baldies: Moby wants to make a porno with average-sized willies.
  
  

New research shows we still have no f-ing clue about the female orgasm

The female orgasm is a mystery, and not just in that how-the-hell-can-I-make-my-girlfriend-climax kind of way. Scientists just can’t seem to figure out what it’s there for. The most recent theory – popularized in the 2005 book The Case of the Female Orgasm – was that it was just an accidental evolutionary by-product of the male orgasm. Meaning, the orgasm is important for men (no shit) and women share biology with them in the same way that men have non-functioning (unless you count orgasm via nipple clamps) nipples. But anyway, a recent study of thousands of twins and how they do or don’t orgasm, failed to prove this theory.

Why is sex fun?

The Discovery Channel is in the middle of airing a series called Curiosity. Current and upcoming episodes include “What Sank the Titanic” and “Is There a Parallel Universe?” Not sure how we missed the last one, “Why Is Sex Fun?” hosted by Maggie Gyllenhaal.

The media’s pornification of women

Here’s a fascinating, but not all that surprising study from the University of Buffalo: they recently analyzed more than 1,000 images of men and women on Rolling Stone covers over the course of 43 years (they chose Rolling Stone since it’s a well-established, pop culture media outlet) and found the following:

Naked News: Gender equality means more sex for everyone

• Study shows that more gender equality leads to more sex. (And, we’d hazard a guess, better sex, too.)
  
  
• Cosmo launches an iPad version of the mag for men (there’s no paper version because apparently dudes wouldn’t be seen dead actually reading Cosmo). So now we can all be super insecure about our bodies and our skill in the sack!
  
  

Portable pocket smut for the blind

Well, maybe it’s not just for the blind. It could be for anyone who likes a little something left to the imagination. Or for anyone who doesn’t want people watching their porn over their shoulder on the train home. For all these types, SonicErotica offers free (for now) downloadable stories and confessions “to make your ears blush.”

THE ORGASM DIARIES and more love and sex in film

We noticed something called THE ORGASM DIARIES is playing on The Sundance Channel this Saturday at midnight. Sounds like a documentary, right? Turns out it’s a British indie film from last year about a couple who’s private naughty photographs become pornographic art-world hits, which turns their relationship upside down. Knowing that, the title becomes a bit more dubious. But Indiewire said it “captures the essence of young love.” It gets a 50-50 rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which sounds a lot less damning when you realize that’s only out of 8 reviews. Could be a fine late-night alternative to Skinemax…?

A digital, serialized, erotic novella for the month of August

On July 31st we got a press release about “29 Days of August,” a “digital novella of appetites” meant to be read throughout the month on “the social networks you already use.” Here’s the scoop:

Give your sex toy a new life… as a door stopper

Sometimes a girl (or boy) really can have too many toys–sex toys, that is. If your toy chest is overflowing with products you’ve no time to use, check out this inspirational page full of ideas for repurposed toys. Turn that buttplug into a door stopper, or use it to stop up your leaky sink. And [...]

Things to say during sex: a handy diagram.

Though we’ve been led to believe that pillow talk is something that just comes naturally–that we’ll all just magically know just the right thing to say in the heat of the moment–the truth is often anything but. Sure, sometimes we managed to pull it off, but more often than not, words fail us (or, worse [...]