Sundance Channel

Valentine’s Day cards that don’t suck

Em and Lo — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:00:06 +0000

Instead of waiting til the last minute like usual, why not get a jump start on some Valentine's Day card ideas, you know, before Monday, February 13th sneaks up and cupid-arrows you in the ass?

From Someecards, the king of irreverent greetings: e.g. "Sorry the only ring you're wearing this Valentine's Day is a contraceptive in your vagina" (that's just one of 99 hilarious ones)
Five DIY Valentine's Day cards to make with the kids, collated by LilSugar.

Puritan mating rituals & a free monologue for a new year

Em and Lo — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:00:45 +0000

This morning our inbox had an email from Mike Daisey titled "A free monologue for a new year." Daisey is the writer, director, ex-Amazon employee best known for his extemporaneous monologues. He just performed a sold-out show at Boston University's Huntington Theatre on New Year's Eve as part of Boston's First Night festivities. What caught our eye in the description of the monologue was the "elaborate mating rituals" of New England Puritans (of course), but what kept our attention was the mention of advice for having a New Year's Eve that doesn't suck -- humanity's eternal dilemma. Admittedly we haven't listened to the whole thing yet, but anything that makes fun of Boston in the first two minutes can't be half bad. Here's the set up from Daisey:

Car crash sex on TV

Em and Lo — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 18:00:52 +0000

We recently ran a post on EMandLO.com about television shows with hot sex scenes, but if we're being honest, the stuff that really floats our boats is the hilarious, cringe-worthy stuff that just seems a lot more realistic -- after all, sex is often awkward, full of miscommunication, with some head bonking and disappointment, maybe tears. Which is why we loved, loved, LOVED last night's episode of New Girl on Fox. We'll admit, we were pretty eh about the pilot -- it was close, but no cigar. So we never scheduled a second date with the show. But a friend encouraged us to give it another chance last night and we are so glad we did -- because we can't remember the last time we laughed so hard, especially not from of a television show (we're talking tears and stomach pain). Not to get your hopes up, but it's one of the best sex scenes we've ever seen on TV* -- it should win an Emmy. We liked it so much, we went online so we could watch the earlier "penis" episode (officially titled "Naked"), which also did not disappoint. Oh, if only the same could be said for sex.

When sex and merchandise don’t mix

Em and Lo — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 18:00:07 +0000

The only thing worse than sex being used to sell products that have nothing to do with sex is when sex is actually put into a product in some way when it shouldn't be. Below are four sex product fails - don't even think about them as potential holiday gifts, not even stocking stuffers. You've been warned:

Bacon Lube: J&D's wants the world to taste like bacon, so they made bacon salt, and baconnaise, bacon ranch and even bacon lip balm. So we guess it was only a matter of time before they made bacon lube. They say it started out as an April Fool's prank but then got so many requests that they had to follow through with bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. Fortunately, it's only available for a limited time.
Erotic Energy Drinks: As if Red Bull weren't bad enough - Big Cock cola and Little Pussy passion fruit drink are now available in Las Vegas. Of course they are.

This American Laugh: Ira Glass’ sex tape

Em and Lo — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 17:00:19 +0000

If you're an NPR junkie, you're going to love this. It's an 11-minute spoof of a "This American Life" episode featuring a story about host Ira Glass making a celebrity sex tape. All the elements are there: Ira Glass's go-to phrases, input from Alex Blumberg, the clever mood music, the end credits with a shout out to WBEZ general manager Torey Malatea...

Feminist Ryan Gosling

Em and Lo — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 17:00:57 +0000

We never really understood the whole Ryan Gosling thing - he seemed kind of like a pompous, pretentious ac-tor with zero sense of humor. That is, until we saw him on Ellen in onesie pajamas on a stationary bike. Boy, were we schooled then. Now we're on board - well, we're not on board the crazy train of Gosling fandom, but we're at the station admiring from afar. For example, we're not so gaga for Gosling that we could tell you exactly where the whole "Hey Girl" meme came from. (According to Jezebel: "Apparently, the basic concept...

Men-ups!

Em and Lo — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 17:05:58 +0000

We once did a photo shoot for The Sun, the super trashy but widely popular UK newspaper (you know, the one with the "Page 3 girl"). We were promoting the British edition of our book, The Big Bang. We were young and naive, the photographer was old and pushy, and as he gradually encouraged us to get into sillier and sillier poses, our publicist was there pressing us on. We felt like Coco in the original "Fame." Don't get us wrong: we were dressed. But at one point we reluctantly ended up on a bed with one of us holding the other's bare leg straight up in the air like a lightening rod. It was not what we'd consider sexy, feminine, or us. Fortunately, our inner horror must have radiated out of every pore, because they ultimately ran the article without the pics. (There was a God that day.)

A GOP glossary

Em and Lo — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 17:00:45 +0000

Our friend Geoff Rice, a nimble Facebook poster and hilarious bleeding-heart liberal, recently began a GOP/Tea Party glossary in public "Note" form, defining such terms as "freedom", "immigrant" and "socialism", and calling for additional entries from readers. Here was our contribution:

Pro-Life

A belief in and dedication to the sanctity of life, except in the cases of women who might die from childbirth, prisoners on death row (even those with new evidence that may exonerate them), animals who are hunted for sport or tortured on factory farms, poor people who can't afford healthcare, and doctors who legally perform abortions (see "George Tiller").

The ability to believe that God creates all life at conception while simultaneously ignoring the fact that (when you consider the number of miscarriages women go through) God is the biggest abortionist of them all.

When parents text

Em and Lo — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 17:00:19 +0000

"Some people worry that technology is hindering human communication, creating more distance in relationships, but we think When Parents Text is evidence to the contrary," write co-authors Lauren Kaelin and Sophia Fraioli about their new book.

This one’s for the pervy grammar nerds

Em and Lo — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 17:00:55 +0000

We really hope that there are some grammar nerds reading this blog. That would make us so happy. Sure, maybe some people think that when you're writing about sex, correct grammar and punctuation aren't a big deal, but we beg to differ. Good writing is sexy, and so is the Oxford comma.

Porn for women (must love dogs)

Em and Lo — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:00:56 +0000

Don’t worry, no pets were harmed (or diddled) in the making of this porn. The Men and Their Dogs blog is exactly what it sounds like: photos of men with their dogs — making kissy faces, taking bubble baths together, or just being emo-artsy. Kind of like those Porn for Women and Porn for New [...]

Damn You, Autocorrect!

Em and Lo — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 17:00:17 +0000

The best forwarded email we've gotten in a long time is, by far, the collection of ichat and text excerpts from DamnYouAutoCorrect.com. We received the forward in public, which made the sheer joy of secretly reading it all the sweeter: we're talking uncontrollable, tear-spilling giggles. That's because autocorrect accidents are, of course, the best when they are sex-related...and totally inappropriate...and between family members, especially parents and their children. Don't waste a second wondering if these are possibly made up, just enjoy the unbridled horror.

New word: Chweeting!

Em and Lo — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 20:30:27 +0000

We're very proud of ourselves for coming up with this one. With the whole Weiner scandal going on, we were discussing how there's got to be something in between flirting and actual physical cheating. What Weiner did goes beyond mere flirting -- even though it didn't involve physical contact with anyone other than his wife, it did involve sexual antics (and release?) with other women via social networking services and the telephone. So it's not full-blown, full-body-contact, STD-and-pregnancy-risking cheating, it's more like virtual or cyber cheating.

Who will love your pets when you’ve been lifted up to Heaven?

Em and Lo — Thu, 19 May 2011 17:00:05 +0000

As we’re sure you know, the Rapture is this Saturday, May 21st, 2011. You know, the day when good Christians like you (we’re assuming) who’ve accepted Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior will be physically lifted up to Heaven. All your atheist, Muslim, Jewish and pagan friends will be left behind to fend for [...]

Reasons you’re still single

Em and Lo — Thu, 12 May 2011 18:00:16 +0000

Mike Sacks is one fifth of the hilarious Association for the Betterment of Sex, the cabal behind the book Our Bodies, Our Junk, which we wrote about last year. So we weren't surprised in the least to discover how much funny there is in Sacks' own book, Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason. It's a collection of 54 short humor pieces, many of them written in collaboration with the other members of the ABS, amongst others. The essays include everything from "Rules for My Cuddle Party" ("#1: Please do not give birth in the hot tub.") to a bridegroom on Twitter ("Attempting to fist-bump rabbi") and icebreakers to avoid ("This party reminds me of 9/11"). To give you a taste, we're excerpting one of the essays here in full...

Tap Into It

Bradford Shellhammer — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 18:44:05 +0000

TAP INTO IT from Vancouver Craft Beer Week on Vimeo.

Gay men like beer a lot more than many a stereotype suggest. But even those gay men who turn their noses up at beer in favor of the more obvious choices like vodka may reconsider after watching this movie. In teal unitard and rocking a regular guy's body, the actor gives his best Jennifer Beals a la FLASHDANCE. He's good. Connecting with the camera to comedic effect and giving it all.

Visit to MAD Magazine headquarters

Matthew Rodriguez — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 16:21:41 +0000

While growing up, MAD Magazine was one of my favorite things to read. I loved its take on pop culture events and topical sense of humor, and I particularly admired the hilarious illustrations in each issue. For better or for worse, all those hours lying on the floor of my bedroom consuming the latest Spy [...]

MyBadParent.com

Em and Lo — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 17:00:15 +0000

Feeling bad about accidentally dropping your kid on his head? MyBadParent.com will make you feel better immediately. It's a collection of kid and parent images (culled from various Internet sites as well as submissions) that you won't see in Parenting Magazine, ranging from the choreographed-for-a-laugh to someone-call-Social-Services-immediately. It's like if FAILblog had a baby -- and that baby was still in its infancy: MyBadParent has only been around for a few months; it can't allow comments yet; it can't spell very well; and it's still figuring out how to tell a joke.

A baby video on YouTube that’s actually art

Em and Lo — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 18:00:49 +0000

This doesn’t have much to do with love and sex, except that we love this trailer which features an adorable product of sex. The teaser is from the short film LAS PALMAS by Johannes Nyholm, which just won the Short Film Award and the Audience Award at the Gothenburg Int’l Film Festival, Startsladden. (The jury [...]

Dubious product of the week: Woody Wipes

Em and Lo — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 18:00:22 +0000

"I think you guys would love Woody Wipes," went the email we received this week. "We are helping women around the U.S combat musty balls." Um, yeah. We think that possibly the only thing creepier than seeing a box of baby wipes (adorned with a chubby Gerber baby face) next to a guy's self-love lube in his nightstand, would be to see a box of Woody Wipes, adorned with a cartoon dude clutching a wipe and giving a self-satisfied thumbs up. Is there a phrase less sexy in the English language than "Woody Wipe"?!

The Onion finally comes to TV

Em and Lo — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 18:00:57 +0000

This Day In History: The Invention Of The Handjob Be afraid, Jon Stewart, be very afraid. Last week, the Onion News Network premiered on IFC and artfully accomplished what The Daily Show tries to: mercilessly skewering the 24-7 cable news industry (the subtitle is, after all, “News Without Mercy”). It’s exactly what a fake news [...]

The wisdom and wit of Snooki

Em and Lo — Thu, 20 Jan 2011 18:00:41 +0000

Somehow in the post-holidays hangover, we missed the fact that Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi -- a.k.a. the Jersey Shore star with a pouf -- made her debut as a novelist earlier this month, with A Shore Thing. Yep, she's the one who once admitted she'd only read two books, Twilight and Dear John. (Which might explain why Snooki's novel contains both a Bella and an Edward -- not exactly the most common names overheard on a Jersey boardwalk.) We're too busy reading George Eliot right now to actually read her entire snook, as we like to call it, but we have been enjoying reading the following brief excerpts out loud while lounging around in our silk pajamas and feeding each other grapes. Just in case you were expecting Hemingway, the cover helpfully explains that the novel is about "a girl [named Gia] looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore)."

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."
"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

BLACK SWAN, intentionally funny

Bradford Shellhammer — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 20:57:34 +0000

I know, I know. Yes, I have a penchant for posting hilarious YouTube videos on this blog probably far too often. But wait! Seriously, I have discovered a girl who is so freaking funny, I cannot even stand it. Please let me introduce you to Gloria Shuri Nava. With a name like that you better be fierce!

The Map of Non-Monogamy

Em and Lo — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 17:00:58 +0000

According to Franklin Veaux’s personal website, he is an atheist/transhumanist/computer hacker/BDSM switch who owns a small graphic design and training firm and is into Apple computers, World of Warcraft, tattoos, piercing, photography and polyamory. He’s the guy who did that awesome Map of Human Sexuality a while back. And now he’s done the official Map [...]

Genesis finally makes sense

Em and Lo — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 17:00:09 +0000

Writer/performer/artist Merrill Markoe visited the Creation Museum in Kentucky last year and absorbed all the “proof” there that the world was created just 6,000 years ago and that dinosaurs walked among humans. As if through divine intervention, it suddenly, recently dawned on Markoe how to help the museum make their case. So she created this [...]

Bed Intruder costume

Em and Lo — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 17:00:54 +0000

A few weeks ago we fondly wrote about the Know Your Meme podcast, and specifically highlighted their coverage of the loveable Antoine Dodson of “Bed Intruder” fame. Well, now he’s got what he (at least) is calling the # 1 Halloween get-up of 2010: The official Bed Intruder Costume! And good for him — why [...]

Emergency Bras at the 20th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony

Em and Lo — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 17:00:09 +0000

The 20th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, which honors achievements that “first make people laugh, and then make them think,” was held Harvard University last Thursday. On hand to help honor the 2010 prize laureates was Dr. Elana Bodnar, last year’s winner of the Ig Nobel Public Health Prize for her Emergency Bra, a [...]

Know Your Meme

Em and Lo — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 17:00:42 +0000

We’ve been long-time fans (well, long-time in terms of Internet years) of the website and podcast “Know Your Meme,” a “web series and online database dedicated to documenting Internet culture, one scientismic investigation at a time.” They give you information on the back-story, viral development and spin-offs of every crazy contemporary meme out there, from [...]

Ad agency makes XXX-ray commercial for medical supply company

Em and Lo — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 20:00:17 +0000

The German ad agency Butter recently released a series of award-winning print ads — “Pin-Up Calendar 2010″ — for Eizo, a medical supply company which apparently specializes in medical imaging. While it effectively shows the quality of their radiographs, it also entertainingly pokes fun at the whole porn genre: You can see everything! Check out [...]

Chat Roulette piano improv

Em and Lo — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:00:28 +0000

Last week, fellow SUNfiltered blogger Matthew Rodriguez found a compilation Chat Roulette video that he called “the best…and most safe-for-work item I’ve seen yet of the Chat Roulette experience” (one faceless user has a handwritten sign that’s turned on its side which reads — once you turn your head to read it — “If you [...]

We always knew modern design was bad for your love life

Em and Lo — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:00:16 +0000

The things that once so defined him -- shag carpeting, Room & Board sofas, monogamy -- now suffocated him. -- via UnhappyHipsters.com If you've ever browsed the pages of, say, Dwell magazine and wondered how the hell anyone could even fart in such an antiseptic environment, let alone have an orgasm, then you'll love UnhappyHipsters.com as much as we do. The site is genius in its simplicity: photos from the pages of Dwell magazine and, okay, mostly just Dwell, with one-liner captions guessing at the inner life of the dwellers in question. Sure, we've always been proponents of clearing clutter -- especially in your bedroom -- in order to focus on the task at hand, whether that task is dinner, email, romance, or an orgasm. But there's lack of clutter and then there's austere design and architecture that seems to scream, "I DARE you to have fun in here!" A sampling from a world in which "wet spot" is a dirty word after the jump.

Unhappy Hipsters

Bradford Shellhammer — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:00:41 +0000

There are some things that can’t be learned from a book. Unhappy Hipsters is hilarious. And while I take issue with its title (it should be called Unhappy Modernists) I can only chuckle and giggle when I read the captioned pictures pulled from the pages of Dwell and DWR’s catalog. The images are clean, simple, [...]

ThingsThatAreDoingIt.com

Em and Lo — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 16:00:38 +0000

If you like your humor cheap and juvenile but find PeopleOfWalmart.com just a bit too mean and depressing, then check out ThingsThatAreDoingIt.com -- a collection of inadvertently sexually-charged inanimate objects. Many of the coolest ones seem to have dubious origins (no way is that naked tree goddess not Photoshopped) but the ones that look genuine (like the friendly trees above) will lift your spirits and put a smile on your face that you can feel good about in a way that People of Walmart's "Front to Back" cannot. Here's a sample:

From the Nothing’s-Sacred Department: Shocker gloves

Em and Lo — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:00:19 +0000

There’s the enjoi knit version (above), which POW claims is an infringement on their style copyright for the finger colors of pink and brown (they have a freaking copyright on that?). But then there’s the Shocker Glove Company too, which a guy from POW told us uses a different “shocker” reference (i.e. not sexual), but [...]

Jonathan Littell beats off stiff competition at Bad Sex Awards

Em and Lo — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:00:19 +0000

Turns out we were wrong in our Roth prediction -- this year's Bad Sex Award ended up going to Jonathan Littell for his novel The Kindly Ones. Other fancy-pants runners up included Paul Theroux, Nick Cave, Amos Oz, and John Banville. The judges said very nice things about Littell's novel -- which was originally published in French -- calling it "in part a work of genius." However, lines such as "I came suddenly, a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg" clinched the award for The Kindly Ones. Perhaps it came off better in the original French? The award was presented at the -- chortle chortle -- In & Out (Naval & Military) Club in St James's Square, London, where 400 guests congratulated themselves on being both highbrow and hilarious on the topic of sex. In the winning passage (below), Littell is inspired by ancient mythology, to somewhat disastrous results.

Britain’s Bad Sex Award pits Philip Roth against Nick Cave

Em and Lo — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:00:48 +0000

photo via the Los Angeles Times If there's one thing the Brits are good at, it's laughing about sex, whether it's lowbrow, bum-pinching humor -- paging Benny Hill -- or the highbrow upper echelons of London's literary society. The cool kids in the latter category are definitely at the Literary Review magazine, with their annual Bad Sex Awards. The announcement of the selections each year leads to a flurry of bad-pun headlines in the British press -- "stiff competition" being a favorite phrase (Benny Hill would be proud!). Past nominees have included such heavy hitters as Gabriel García Márquez, Norman Mailer and Salman Rushdie. This year's shortlist is no different, including John Banville, Paul Theroux, singer-turned-writer Nick Cave, and Philip Roth. The only surprise with Roth is that it took him this long to make the cut.

SpatSolver, the ultimate argument resolution device

Em and Lo — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:00:58 +0000

Infomercial parodies are a fine art that only a few have mastered. But we think YourTango has just joined the ranks of elite spoofers with their “SpatSolver.” We guarantee you’ll be wishing this thing was real in seconds! Yeah, the commercial goes on a little too long, and the free “Apologizer” is pretty unfunny, but [...]

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis

Em and Lo — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 16:00:54 +0000

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns Zach Galifianakis is one of those weirdo comedians you either love or you hate. We love him, mostly for his entirely inappropriate sexual humor. So if you haven’t checked out his Funny or Die series, “Between Two Ferns”, we recommend you blow off work for [...]

Why we’ll never complain again about not peeing upright

Em and Lo — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:00:51 +0000

photo by AwkwardBoners.com AwkwardBoners is one of those genius sites that appeals equally to 13-year-old boys and, well, us. While awkward boners in public can be kind of creepy (like when the guy across from you on the subway has morning wood -- one of many reasons why men should close their legs on public transportation), the image gallery on this site mostly just makes us glad we're not dudes.

Mike Birbiglia’s “Porno for Parents”

Em and Lo — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:00:15 +0000

We mentioned comedian Mike Birbiglia in passing the other day, but failed to convey just how awesome he is. Someone who can appeal to both the audiences of Comedy Central and This American Life possesses a rare gift. He covers crass topics without ever crossing the line. He’s the boyfriend you love so much, but [...]

FAILblog can help mend a broken heart

Em and Lo — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:00:32 +0000

We were once fond of telling people who’ve been dumped to buy a box of red wine and watch some good mindless action movies. But we’ve now got a better idea: buy a box of rose (it is summer, after all) and spend a few hours scrolling through the archives of FAIL Blog. (If you [...]

A rare glimpse of Stephen Colbert out of character

Andrew Hearst — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 20:27:51 +0000

Josh Marshall of the great Talking Points Memo just posted this excellent behind-the-scenes video, which was filmed as he accompanied John Kerry to a taping of The Colbert Report in April 2007. As Josh points out, it’s a rare and fascinating thing to see Colbert break character, because he almost never does:

10 things a grown woman should never have

Em and Lo — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 20:00:13 +0000

A poster of Robert Doisneau's "Le baiser de l'hôtel de ville" from Art.com The Men's Health article 18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have made us think we should have dated more Men's Health readers back in our single days. ("10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name. ... 13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, 'Take me on your futon.' ... 14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.") It also got us thinking about the sort of things a grown woman should never have...

And you thought your family was bad

Em and Lo — Mon, 18 May 2009 16:00:08 +0000

"Happy Mother's Day!" photo from Awkward Family Photos Just in case one of your friends hasn't forwarded you this new website yet, check out AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com. In the awesome tradition of FAILblog and The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks, Awkward Family Photos aims to "spread the awkwardness," in their case by collecting some of the most horrendous displays of familial unity -- and hilariously captioning them.