Valentine’s Day cards that don’t suck
Instead of waiting til the last minute like usual, why not get a jump start on some Valentine’s Day card ideas, you know, before Monday, February 13th sneaks up and cupid-arrows you in the ass?
- From Someecards, the king of irreverent greetings: e.g. “Sorry the only ring you’re wearing this Valentine’s Day is a contraceptive in your vagina” (that’s just one of 99 hilarious ones)
- Five DIY Valentine’s Day cards to make with the kids, collated by LilSugar.
Puritan mating rituals & a free monologue for a new year
This morning our inbox had an email from Mike Daisey titled “A free monologue for a new year.” Daisey is the writer, director, ex-Amazon employee best known for his extemporaneous monologues. He just performed a sold-out show at Boston University’s Huntington Theatre on New Year’s Eve as part of Boston’s First Night festivities. What caught our eye in the description of the monologue was the “elaborate mating rituals” of New England Puritans (of course), but what kept our attention was the mention of advice for having a New Year’s Eve that doesn’t suck — humanity’s eternal dilemma. Admittedly we haven’t listened to the whole thing yet, but anything that makes fun of Boston in the first two minutes can’t be half bad. Here’s the set up from Daisey:
Read More »Car crash sex on TV
We recently ran a post on EMandLO.com about television shows with hot sex scenes, but if we’re being honest, the stuff that really floats our boats is the hilarious, cringe-worthy stuff that just seems a lot more realistic — after all, sex is often awkward, full of miscommunication, with some head bonking and disappointment, maybe tears. Which is why we loved, loved, LOVED last night’s episode of New Girl on Fox. We’ll admit, we were pretty eh about the pilot — it was close, but no cigar. So we never scheduled a second date with the show. But a friend encouraged us to give it another chance last night and we are so glad we did — because we can’t remember the last time we laughed so hard, especially not from of a television show (we’re talking tears and stomach pain). Not to get your hopes up, but it’s one of the best sex scenes we’ve ever seen on TV* — it should win an Emmy. We liked it so much, we went online so we could watch the earlier “penis” episode (officially titled “Naked”), which also did not disappoint. Oh, if only the same could be said for sex.
Read More »When sex and merchandise don’t mix
The only thing worse than sex being used to sell products that have nothing to do with sex is when sex is actually put into a product in some way when it shouldn’t be. Below are four sex product fails – don’t even think about them as potential holiday gifts, not even stocking stuffers. You’ve been warned:
- Bacon Lube: J&D’s wants the world to taste like bacon, so they made bacon salt, and baconnaise, bacon ranch and even bacon lip balm. So we guess it was only a matter of time before they made bacon lube. They say it started out as an April Fool’s prank but then got so many requests that they had to follow through with bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. Fortunately, it’s only available for a limited time.
- Erotic Energy Drinks: As if Red Bull weren’t bad enough – Big Cock cola and Little Pussy passion fruit drink are now available in Las Vegas. Of course they are.
This American Laugh: Ira Glass’ sex tape
If you’re an NPR junkie, you’re going to love this. It’s an 11-minute spoof of a “This American Life” episode featuring a story about host Ira Glass making a celebrity sex tape. All the elements are there: Ira Glass’s go-to phrases, input from Alex Blumberg, the clever mood music, the end credits with a shout out to WBEZ general manager Torey Malatea…
Read More »Feminist Ryan Gosling
We never really understood the whole Ryan Gosling thing – he seemed kind of like a pompous, pretentious ac-tor with zero sense of humor. That is, until we saw him on Ellen in onesie pajamas on a stationary bike. Boy, were we schooled then. Now we’re on board – well, we’re not on board the crazy train of Gosling fandom, but we’re at the station admiring from afar. For example, we’re not so gaga for Gosling that we could tell you exactly where the whole “Hey Girl” meme came from. (According to Jezebel: “Apparently, the basic concept…
Read More »Men-ups!
We once did a photo shoot for The Sun, the super trashy but widely popular UK newspaper (you know, the one with the “Page 3 girl”). We were promoting the British edition of our book, The Big Bang. We were young and naive, the photographer was old and pushy, and as he gradually encouraged us to get into sillier and sillier poses, our publicist was there pressing us on. We felt like Coco in the original “Fame.” Don’t get us wrong: we were dressed. But at one point we reluctantly ended up on a bed with one of us holding the other’s bare leg straight up in the air like a lightening rod. It was not what we’d consider sexy, feminine, or us. Fortunately, our inner horror must have radiated out of every pore, because they ultimately ran the article without the pics. (There was a God that day.)
Read More »A GOP glossary
Our friend Geoff Rice, a nimble Facebook poster and hilarious bleeding-heart liberal, recently began a GOP/Tea Party glossary in public “Note” form, defining such terms as “freedom”, “immigrant” and “socialism”, and calling for additional entries from readers. Here was our contribution:
Pro-Life
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- A belief in and dedication to the sanctity of life, except in the cases of women who might die from childbirth, prisoners on death row (even those with new evidence that may exonerate them), animals who are hunted for sport or tortured on factory farms, poor people who can’t afford healthcare, and doctors who legally perform abortions (see “George Tiller”).
- The ability to believe that God creates all life at conception while simultaneously ignoring the fact that (when you consider the number of miscarriages women go through) God is the biggest abortionist of them all.
When parents text
“Some people worry that technology is hindering human communication, creating more distance in relationships, but we think When Parents Text is evidence to the contrary,” write co-authors Lauren Kaelin and Sophia Fraioli about their new book.
Read More »This one’s for the pervy grammar nerds
We really hope that there are some grammar nerds reading this blog. That would make us so happy. Sure, maybe some people think that when you’re writing about sex, correct grammar and punctuation aren’t a big deal, but we beg to differ. Good writing is sexy, and so is the Oxford comma.
Read More »Porn for women (must love dogs)
Don’t worry, no pets were harmed (or diddled) in the making of this porn. The Men and Their Dogs blog is exactly what it sounds like: photos of men with their dogs — making kissy faces, taking bubble baths together, or just being emo-artsy. Kind of like those Porn for Women and Porn for New [...]
Read More »Damn You, Autocorrect!
The best forwarded email we’ve gotten in a long time is, by far, the collection of ichat and text excerpts from DamnYouAutoCorrect.com. We received the forward in public, which made the sheer joy of secretly reading it all the sweeter: we’re talking uncontrollable, tear-spilling giggles. That’s because autocorrect accidents are, of course, the best when they are sex-related…and totally inappropriate…and between family members, especially parents and their children. Don’t waste a second wondering if these are possibly made up, just enjoy the unbridled horror.
Read More »New word: Chweeting!
We’re very proud of ourselves for coming up with this one. With the whole Weiner scandal going on, we were discussing how there’s got to be something in between flirting and actual physical cheating. What Weiner did goes beyond mere flirting — even though it didn’t involve physical contact with anyone other than his wife, it did involve sexual antics (and release?) with other women via social networking services and the telephone. So it’s not full-blown, full-body-contact, STD-and-pregnancy-risking cheating, it’s more like virtual or cyber cheating.
Read More »Who will love your pets when you’ve been lifted up to Heaven?
As we’re sure you know, the Rapture is this Saturday, May 21st, 2011. You know, the day when good Christians like you (we’re assuming) who’ve accepted Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior will be physically lifted up to Heaven. All your atheist, Muslim, Jewish and pagan friends will be left behind to fend for [...]
Read More »Reasons you’re still single
Mike Sacks is one fifth of the hilarious Association for the Betterment of Sex, the cabal behind the book Our Bodies, Our Junk, which we wrote about last year. So we weren’t surprised in the least to discover how much funny there is in Sacks’ own book, Your Wildest Dreams, Within Reason. It’s a collection of 54 short humor pieces, many of them written in collaboration with the other members of the ABS, amongst others. The essays include everything from “Rules for My Cuddle Party” (“#1: Please do not give birth in the hot tub.”) to a bridegroom on Twitter (“Attempting to fist-bump rabbi”) and icebreakers to avoid (“This party reminds me of 9/11″). To give you a taste, we’re excerpting one of the essays here in full…
Read More »Tap Into It
TAP INTO IT from Vancouver Craft Beer Week on Vimeo.
Gay men like beer a lot more than many a stereotype suggest. But even those gay men who turn their noses up at beer in favor of the more obvious choices like vodka may reconsider after watching this movie. In teal unitard and rocking a regular guy’s body, the actor gives his best Jennifer Beals a la FLASHDANCE. He’s good. Connecting with the camera to comedic effect and giving it all.
Read More »Visit to MAD Magazine headquarters
While growing up, MAD Magazine was one of my favorite things to read. I loved its take on pop culture events and topical sense of humor, and I particularly admired the hilarious illustrations in each issue. For better or for worse, all those hours lying on the floor of my bedroom consuming the latest Spy [...]
Read More »MyBadParent.com
Feeling bad about accidentally dropping your kid on his head? MyBadParent.com will make you feel better immediately. It’s a collection of kid and parent images (culled from various Internet sites as well as submissions) that you won‘t see in Parenting Magazine, ranging from the choreographed-for-a-laugh to someone-call-Social-Services-immediately. It’s like if FAILblog had a baby — and that baby was still in its infancy: MyBadParent has only been around for a few months; it can’t allow comments yet; it can’t spell very well; and it’s still figuring out how to tell a joke.
Read More »A baby video on YouTube that’s actually art
This doesn’t have much to do with love and sex, except that we love this trailer which features an adorable product of sex. The teaser is from the short film LAS PALMAS by Johannes Nyholm, which just won the Short Film Award and the Audience Award at the Gothenburg Int’l Film Festival, Startsladden. (The jury [...]
Read More »Dubious product of the week: Woody Wipes
“I think you guys would love Woody Wipes,” went the email we received this week. “We are helping women around the U.S combat musty balls.” Um, yeah. We think that possibly the only thing creepier than seeing a box of baby wipes (adorned with a chubby Gerber baby face) next to a guy’s self-love lube in his nightstand, would be to see a box of Woody Wipes, adorned with a cartoon dude clutching a wipe and giving a self-satisfied thumbs up. Is there a phrase less sexy in the English language than “Woody Wipe”?!
Read More »The Onion finally comes to TV
This Day In History: The Invention Of The Handjob Be afraid, Jon Stewart, be very afraid. Last week, the Onion News Network premiered on IFC and artfully accomplished what The Daily Show tries to: mercilessly skewering the 24-7 cable news industry (the subtitle is, after all, “News Without Mercy”). It’s exactly what a fake news [...]
Read More »The wisdom and wit of Snooki
Somehow in the post-holidays hangover, we missed the fact that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi — a.k.a. the Jersey Shore star with a pouf — made her debut as a novelist earlier this month, with A Shore Thing. Yep, she’s the one who once admitted she’d only read two books, Twilight and Dear John. (Which might explain why Snooki’s novel contains both a Bella and an Edward — not exactly the most common names overheard on a Jersey boardwalk.) We’re too busy reading George Eliot right now to actually read her entire snook, as we like to call it, but we have been enjoying reading the following brief excerpts out loud while lounging around in our silk pajamas and feeding each other grapes. Just in case you were expecting Hemingway, the cover helpfully explains that the novel is about “a girl [named Gia] looking for love on the boardwalk (one full of big hair, dark tans, and fights galore).”
- “Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”
- “He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”
BLACK SWAN, intentionally funny
I know, I know. Yes, I have a penchant for posting hilarious YouTube videos on this blog probably far too often. But wait! Seriously, I have discovered a girl who is so freaking funny, I cannot even stand it. Please let me introduce you to Gloria Shuri Nava. With a name like that you better be fierce!
Read More »The Map of Non-Monogamy
According to Franklin Veaux’s personal website, he is an atheist/transhumanist/computer hacker/BDSM switch who owns a small graphic design and training firm and is into Apple computers, World of Warcraft, tattoos, piercing, photography and polyamory. He’s the guy who did that awesome Map of Human Sexuality a while back. And now he’s done the official Map [...]
Read More »Genesis finally makes sense
Writer/performer/artist Merrill Markoe visited the Creation Museum in Kentucky last year and absorbed all the “proof” there that the world was created just 6,000 years ago and that dinosaurs walked among humans. As if through divine intervention, it suddenly, recently dawned on Markoe how to help the museum make their case. So she created this [...]
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