sundance

The pocket rocket… literally

Pocket rocket vibrators have been around forever — since before sex toys got all fancy and high tech and, you know, effective. But there’s a reason the pocket rocket-style vibe has stood the test of time — it’s small and unassuming, but not so small that you wonder why you bothered. It fits easily in your nightstand or, yes, your pocketbook, and it’s not likely to give any guy a complex.

Naked news: prosthetic testes that actually work are in the works

In sci-fi news, scientists are working on a prosthetic testicle that creates and ejects human sperm for men missing one or both testicles who want to procreate. Yale Sex Week, once banned, is in full swing right now. Ron Paul says abortion is okay only when it’s an “honest rape,” you know, as opposed to all [...]

A comedian that will melt your liberal bleeding heart

We both enjoy playing Texas Hold ‘Em, but of the two of us, I (Lo) enjoy it a little too much. So much so that when I just need a night away from it all, I go to Foxwoods to play the low limit table with a bunch of 65 year old men, half of whom have a drinking problem, the other half of whom have a gambling problem. It’s not as sinful or sexy as Vegas, naturally, but it does the trick.

It’s you, perfected!

There are many reasons not to read women’s magazines. One of the biggies? All the retouched photos. The genetic mutants we call models and celebrities can beat the shit out your average Jane’s self image, but Photoshop can chop it up with chainsaw. This before and after cover of Red Book from a few years ago thanks to Jezebel.com says it all. In fact, Jezebel has made one of their crusades exposing the evils of Photoshop (here’s their most recent “unveiling”). One of the funniest commentaries on how fucked up Photoshop is when it comes to setting impossible beauty standards is this recent parody of a beauty product commercial by Jesse Rosten on Vimeo: “Just one application of Fotoshop can give you results so dramatic, they’re almost unreal…istic.”

High heels are the devil

High heels are an essential part of our fashion-glam culture. Finding a pair of flats at last night’s SAG Awards was like trying to find a vegan quinoa recipe in a Paula Deen cookbook. More common was the doughnut burger of the shoe world: the 29-inch stiletto like Emma Stone wore. What women will suffer for fashion! Personally, the two of us fall into the more utilitarian camp: while Em has been known to rock a sparkly pump at a party, you’ll find her more often than not in the day-to-day dressing up a flow-y, flowery dress with a pair of Converse. And Lo? Nothing comes between her and her Danskos. It may not be pretty, but nothing’s more ugly than her mood after 20 minutes in a pair of uncomfortable pumps (are they even called that anymore?). Which is why we always feel high and mighty in our low flats when a new study about the horrors of high heels comes out.

Want to go to Palm Springs?

One of our favorite toy creators, Jimmyjane, has just teamed up with Ace Hotels (in their NYC and Palm Springs locations) to offer guests a room upgrade that includes a Jimmyjane-curated selection of sexy goods, which can be purchased online, at check-in or from Ace’s late-night room service menu. No travel plans to NYC or Palm Springs? Jimmyjane.com is offering several packages that allow you to bring the Ace experience home with you (for example, the $89 “Voyeur” package includes TCHO Drinking Chocolate, a blindfold and cuffs, the French softcore Emmanuelle Collection, a bullet vibe, a feather tickler, Sir Richards condoms, and Good Clean Love lubricant — kind of an awesome Valentine’s Gift, hotel stay or not).

Naked news: Sex and the City, high school cougars, and gaydar

• High school team can’t call themselves the Cougars because of its association with sexually-active, single, middle-aged women.
• Speaking of cougars and high school: Sex and the City pre-quel pilot on the CW is a go.

And you thought Mississippi was conservative? Meet Mitt, Ron, Newt, & Rick

Women’s reproductive rights haven’t been this threatened by a group of Republican presidential hopefuls in decades. As Rachel Maddow summarized brilliantly the other night, Rick Santorum, “libertarian” Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Perry have all signed pledges backing the Personhood movement that aims to make all abortions illegal (even in the case of rape and incest) by defining fertilized eggs as people, which would in turn ban most forms of birth control. Mitt Romney hasn’t signed anything yet, nor did he attend the Presidential Prolife Forum in South Caroline this past Wednesday like all the others, but he did tell Mike Huckabee last October that he “absolutely” would have supported a personhood amendment to his state’s constitution when he was Governor of Massachusetts. Rick Santorum is the only one — so far — who’s actually said out loud that birth control is “not okay” and is a dangerous problem in this country, but that kind of thinking is basically built into the personhood movement (whether these candidates, who will say anything to appease their religious base, realize it or not). So you know where these guys stand.

Valentine’s Day cards that don’t suck

Instead of waiting til the last minute like usual, why not get a jump start on some Valentine’s Day card ideas, you know, before Monday, February 13th sneaks up and cupid-arrows you in the ass?

• From Someecards, the king of irreverent greetings: e.g. “Sorry the only ring you’re wearing this Valentine’s Day is a contraceptive in your vagina” (that’s just one of 99 hilarious ones)
• Five DIY Valentine’s Day cards to make with the kids, collated by LilSugar.

The slow but (hopefully) steady erosion of our gender stereotypes

For our book club, we’re reading the 2003 novel “We Need to Talk About Kevin” by Lionel Shriver.* I, Lo, knowing nothing about the book or its author, began reading and was amazed that a male author could create a female narrator that sounded so authentic and convincing, especially regarding childbirth and motherhood. That is, until halfway through the book when I happened to catch a glimpse of the author photo on the inside back flap: turns out Lionel is a woman.

Naked news: the frothy mixture edition

With Santorum’s recent surge in the polls, it’s important to take time out to remind ourselves what a crazy sex-police zealot he is:

• Writing about Santorum’s “Google problem,” a New York Times writer says Dan Savage’s prank was in response merely to the senator’s opposition to gay marriage, so Dan Savage sets him straight (try Santorum’s comparison of homosexuality to bestiality and child rape); the writer corrects his mistake.
• On Funny or Die, Dan Savage comedically threatens to change the definition of the name “Rick” if Santorum doesn’t agree to stop attacking gay people during his campaign.

“The first dating site for humans”

It seems like just yesterday the two of us were out on the fire escape of the Nerve.com office, smoking (smoking!) and coming up with the profile questions for the original Nerve Personals (you may remember “______ is sexy; ______ is sexier”). The Nerve Personals had a meteoric rise, signing up affiliate partners like Salon and The Onion left and right. It was so successful, it spun itself off into a purely personals company called Spring Street Networks. But what goes up must come down: the personals network was eventually sold to Friend Finder long after we’d gone and the whole thing just seemed to fizzle out, at least on Nerve’s end.

Puritan mating rituals & a free monologue for a new year

This morning our inbox had an email from Mike Daisey titled “A free monologue for a new year.” Daisey is the writer, director, ex-Amazon employee best known for his extemporaneous monologues. He just performed a sold-out show at Boston University’s Huntington Theatre on New Year’s Eve as part of Boston’s First Night festivities. What caught our eye in the description of the monologue was the “elaborate mating rituals” of New England Puritans (of course), but what kept our attention was the mention of advice for having a New Year’s Eve that doesn’t suck — humanity’s eternal dilemma. Admittedly we haven’t listened to the whole thing yet, but anything that makes fun of Boston in the first two minutes can’t be half bad. Here’s the set up from Daisey:

“Bounce That Dick,” feminist or not?

When we were sent a link to the new YouTube video “Bounce That Dick” on the Jenna Marbles channel, we didn’t know what to expect: some kind of safe-for-work sexual technique advice video by a porn star turned educator? Then, during the first 30 seconds, our hopes were raised, as the young “blogger and entertainer” began a rap parody, stating with much braggadocio, “I’ve been told since the day I started growing pubes to shake my ass. Well, guess what, my ass is fucking tired as shit. This time it’s your turn to wiggle your man junk for me. I wanna see you shake your muthafuckin penis, bitch.”

A rewrite-the-ending-contest to affect social change

Through our friend, Lynn Harris, writer, co-creator of Breakup Girl, and now communications strategist for something called Breakthrough, we heard about a “Rewrite the Ending” contest (which ended last month):

Show of hands- How many of you wish that:

- Andy (Pretty in Pink) had ended up with Ducky?
- After Willy dies (Death of a Salesman), his wife gets a great sales job without having to play the “poor widow” card?
- When Simran’s father finally releases her hand (Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge), she runs for the train to Goa and finds happiness on her own?
- Ariel (Little Mermaid) had kept her voice and won American Idol.

In other words: How often have you been enjoying a book, movie, play, or TV episode…when all of a sudden things take a turn for the sexist, misogynist, needlessly violent, or worse? Have you ever wished you could jump into a story, shout at the characters, grab the pen (or keyboard) of the writer, and make it turn out the way you think it should?

Of course we have! So I (Lo) entered the contest (you could do it via Twitter, Facebook or email, from 140 characters up to a couple hundred words). Here was my entry:

The top 10 sex scandals of 2011

It’s the most top-10-list time of year! And we’re not even going to try to resist its allure. 2011 was no stranger to sex scandals (is any year?). Most were political and/or not really all that surprising. And so, without further ado:

photo of DSK graffiti via Flickr

1. DSK

2. Shirtless congressman on Craigslist

3. Arnold’s love child

Gift guides for that special someone, whoever they may be

After your dad, your significant other is the most difficult person in the world to buy presents for. After all there’s so much pressure — you want it to strike the right note, convey your love, perhaps your desire, show just how well you know them, and at the same time be a surprise. So [...]

Why all articles about sex use a photo of feet sticking out from the covers

While doing a little internet research, our intern Alyssa came across this article from the Telegraph UK entitled “Average Man Has 9 Sexual Partners in Lifetime, Women Have 4” accompanied by a photo like one of those above. Next to the link she sent, Alyssa wrote: “Random Side Note: Why do they always use photos of feet sticking out of a bed for these sex stories? Who has sex with cold feet like that? Doesn’t it make anyone else feel comfortable staring at these random people’s feet? Seriously!” It’s a legitimate (and funny) question.

Naked news: Islamic cleric bans women from touching bananas, et al

• In “I Can’t Believe It’s Not a Joke” news, an Islamic cleric bans women from touching bananas and cucumbers to avoid them having sexual thoughts.
  
  
• Mint.com’s “page not available” page has a kinda funny personal ad.
  
  

Nice holiday-themed toys for the naughty adult in your life

When it comes to giving your significant O a holiday gift, slippers are great, but sex toys are better. As long as you make quality, beauty and safety your main priorities, you can’t go wrong with a pleasure object (unless you’re in a relationship with a religious neo-con, i.e. one of the few ones who don’t have a secret gimp suit hidden under their bed). Here are some suggestions that are particularly festive:

Car crash sex on TV

We recently ran a post on EMandLO.com about television shows with hot sex scenes, but if we’re being honest, the stuff that really floats our boats is the hilarious, cringe-worthy stuff that just seems a lot more realistic — after all, sex is often awkward, full of miscommunication, with some head bonking and disappointment, maybe tears. Which is why we loved, loved, LOVED last night’s episode of New Girl on Fox. We’ll admit, we were pretty eh about the pilot — it was close, but no cigar. So we never scheduled a second date with the show. But a friend encouraged us to give it another chance last night and we are so glad we did — because we can’t remember the last time we laughed so hard, especially not from of a television show (we’re talking tears and stomach pain). Not to get your hopes up, but it’s one of the best sex scenes we’ve ever seen on TV* — it should win an Emmy. We liked it so much, we went online so we could watch the earlier “penis” episode (officially titled “Naked”), which also did not disappoint. Oh, if only the same could be said for sex.

Naked News: Teen sexting “epidemic”? Turns out we should all chillax

• Here’s something to LOL about: A new study shows that the whole teen sexting thing was — shocker — largely media hype, and that only 1% of kids age 10-17 have texted an explicit picture of themselves. And a million teens roll their eyes and say “We told you so.”
  
  
• Speaking of overreacting: Turns out that the trope that “men think about sex every 7 seconds” is total bull (Again: shocking, we know.) Actual research shows that men think about sex, on average, 18.6 times a day — and for women the average is 9.9 times a day. Not exactly the distance from Mars the Venus, right? For comparison: men think about food almost 18 times a day (and women almost 15 times a day).
  
  

When sex and merchandise don’t mix

The only thing worse than sex being used to sell products that have nothing to do with sex is when sex is actually put into a product in some way when it shouldn’t be. Below are four sex product fails – don’t even think about them as potential holiday gifts, not even stocking stuffers. You’ve been warned:

• Bacon Lube: J&D’s wants the world to taste like bacon, so they made bacon salt, and baconnaise, bacon ranch and even bacon lip balm. So we guess it was only a matter of time before they made bacon lube. They say it started out as an April Fool’s prank but then got so many requests that they had to follow through with bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. Fortunately, it’s only available for a limited time.
  
  
• Erotic Energy Drinks: As if Red Bull weren’t bad enough – Big Cock cola and Little Pussy passion fruit drink are now available in Las Vegas. Of course they are.
  
  

Today is World AIDS Day

Today marks “the beginning of the end of AIDS”:

• “Getting to Zero” is the theme of the UNAIDS efforts (the joint United Nations program on AIDS/HIV).
  
  
• Bono was on The Daily Show last night promoting his activist organization, One, and his fundraising one, Red.
  
  
• Add a patch to the One and Red campaigns’ 2015 Quilt, pledging to buy at least one Red gift this holiday season, and you’ll get to choose one of The Killers six consecutive Christmas songs benefiting Red for free.
  
  

Naked news: why normal looking porn stars are a threat

• Why porn that women actually like (i.e. with normal looking guys like James Dean, above) makes men so uncomfortable.
  
  
• Does success as an artist bring you more sexual conquests? Yes and no, say researchers.