sundance

Balancing dogs vs Balanced dogs

“Now, tell me… who owns the Internet?” asked @sfsutcliffe on Twitter to which I replied “Cats and 4Chan.” This is largely true, but occasionally dogs get their time in the meme spotlight as is the case with Tiger, possibly the most patient Staffordshire Terrier and American Bulldog mix in the world. Tiger has his own popular Tumblr “Food on My Dog” and like its title explains Tiger patiently allows his owner, Andrew to put all manners of food on its head. And for some reason the Internet is loving this. You do not ask why a meme happens, but you just learn to accept it. When I initially saw this I thought this was a bit torturous for Tiger but after reading Andrew’s explanation it makes me wonder just who is training whom.

Here are some free jokes for Billy Crystal

Last year’s Academy Awards telecast awkwardly tried for laughs, but most critics felt the only real joke was that the show got on the air at all. Well, it’s a whole new year, with fresh chances for button pushing and laugh grabbing. And bravely returning for his ninth hosting gig, Billy Crystal is just the man who can save the extravaganza from having to add a laugh track.

Billy’s always been a regular riot—but just in case he needs a little help with his material, I’m here to provide a bunch of topically hilarious one-liners completely gratis, to guarantee that he uncovers comic gold rather than step in tragic ick. All I ask in return is a gift bag and five tickets to the after party. All right, four.

Before Nicki Minaj was Nicki Minaj (and Kurt was Kurt)

Dirty Money – Nicki Minaj from JAMES DELGATTO on Vimeo.

Before she was Nicki Minaj, the international superstar (real name: Onika Tanya Maraj) with her wigs and outlandish colorful outfits that give Lady Gaga a run for title of Best Weirdly Dressed, she was Nicki Minaj, a talented aspiring hip-hop artist from the Queens. And the above video of her from that pre-red carpet fame era is currently being passed around the Internets in the past couple days with some viewers longing for this rawer, more pedestrian side of Nicki Minaj. Hey Sasha Frere-Jones: feel free to use this as a flint for your next essay about constructions of identity and its conflict with notions of authenticity as it pertains to hip-hop. Or something. Incidentally, if you slow down Nicki Minaj’s voice she sounds a lot like Jay-Z. Conversely, if you speed up Jay-Z he sounds like Nicki Minaj. This is a mathematical fact.

Naked News: the women’s (dwindling) reproductive rights edition

• SNL has an actually funny and actually informative round-up of all the bullshit last week.
  
  
• This is a great cartoon from Jim Morin in the Miami Herald that pretty much sums up last week’s “religious freedom” debate around birth control coverage.
  
  

Greatest singer of all

A common refrain I’ve heard expressed in the aftermath of Whitney Houston’s sad passing is “I’m surprised but not shocked” due to her well known past struggles with substance abuse, but I was actually surprised and shocked when I heard this (news that was incidentally texted to me while I was at a bar watching Jeremy Lin performing as Linderella). I was completely stunned because I had assumed that she had turned a corner. I want to use this soapbox not to focus on the macabre aspect of her death and troubles during her life, but instead use the opportunity vis-a-vis online bits and tributes as a celebration of her inimitable talent starting for instance with this: listen to Whitney Houston’s isolated vocals on “How Will I Know” to remind yourself how remarkable her voice was or as Oprah tweeted, “To me Whitney was THE VOICE.” I’ve listened to this countless times and I get goosebumps each time. That said, and this might be slightly blasphemous, but for the same reasons that Vulture made, I almost like the mash-up of Whitney’s vocals with Robyn’s “Dancing on My Own” track better than the originals for both songs.

We love: Actor Jean Dujardin sleeping on people

Keanu Reeves is not only a star in Hollywood but he is among the biggest stars if not the biggest (as far as actors go) in the world of online memes in the subcategory of image macros with his blockbuster viral meme “Sad Keanu” (which I previously discussed here) and Conspiracy Keanu. However Oscar nominee Jean Dujardin, star of THE ARTIST has come out of nowhere to try to claim the meme throne from Keanu with the “Jean Sleeping on People” Photoshop macro for which there exists a Tumblr, naturally.