Barack Obama today [thepage.time.com]:

“It will be fun to see how the story ends.”

Indeed it will……

The Story So Far:

Act I: Through political manipulation and chicanery and the help of his sorcerer Karl, Prince George II usurps the throne of the kingdom of Usa in a bloodless coup. The rightful heir, Duke Al, is banished from the kingdom and called fat. Now king, George fills his court with corrupt and incompetent cronies, hangers-on and more than the usual share of jesters. Through their collective negligence, the kingdom is attacked by barbarians. Instead of hunting down the barbarians in their wasteland stronghold and exacting revenge, George and his Grand Vizier Cheney see an opportunity to expand their power and start wars in more lucrative kingdoms, at great cost in blood and treasure and without consideration for how to end them. Duke Al’s supporters are barred from addressing the court with their grievances. Sad times befall the kingdom.

The hero of the tale, young Barack, is but a lowly peasant in the village of Chicago, but one who years for a better life. Not just for him and his family, but for all citizens of the kingdom. He does what he can to help his fellow villagers, but dreams of doing more. Imagine what a real, worthy king could do! I may be but a small acorn, thinks young Barack, but I dream of forests.

Act II: As a result of the despot George’s tyrannical reign, a rebel army has formed. Made up of the marginalized supporters of Duke Al and his father, the previously deposed Old King Bill, they seek to overthrow King George II and return the kingdom to more peaceful and prosperous state. But the rebel army is notoriously fragmented and undisciplined, unable to organize a sandwich with cold cuts and a loaf of bread. They are easy prey for the Machiavellian sorcerer Karl, who plays them off of each other and manipulates the Town Crier’s Guild to help keep George’s enemies powerless.

Meanwhile, young Barack has been filling his mind with useful knowledge and broad variety of skills. A keen observer of the plight of his fellow peasants, he is gifted with the understanding of how the ruling court needs these people. Without the people, there is no kingdom. Without the love – and more importantly, respect – of the people, there is no king. Young Barack leaves his home and follows his education across the kingdom, meeting a colorful cast of eccentric characters along the way. In his travels, young Barack is introduced to the world of political sorcery, that strange alchemy of turning words into power.

Young Barack found he had an aptitude for the magic, which quickly captured the attention of the rebel army. The rebels were fighting for the very things young Barack believed in, even if he didn’t always approve of their methods or behavior. The rebels were about to challenge King George II, who, after finding his support dwindling in the face of his court’s catastrophic decisions, was hanging onto his throne like grim death. The rebel army’s general, Duke Kerry, was an honored noble in the kingdom, but not the most able of warriors. The rebels asked young Barack if he would help to rally the troops and help to counteract the Town Crier’s Guild practice of physically spinning villagers until they were nauseous while they delivered the day’s news. Young Barack agreed, but it was for naught. Try as he might, he could not help the rebels overcome a flawed strategy and an uninspiring leader. The sorcerer Karl’s battle plan was masterfully executed, as were several villages, and Duke Kerry fell at the hands of King George II.

Act III: As the rebel army licks their wounds and considers their future, Young Barack decides to lead by example. He returns home to Chicago and issues a challenge to succeed as the Village Elder. The king’s court tries to field a contestant to respond, but can only come up with Keyes, the Village Idiot. It is a mercifully short contest. Young Barack sends word to the rebel army: “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is Usa. We can do anything we put our minds to. Follow me.” To which the rebel army sent a message back, “Seriously?” Young Barack answered, “Yes. We can.”

Weary from his narrow victory over Duke Kerry and plagued by the ill effects of his reign of negligence and bad decisions, King George II has fallen ill and can no longer lead the kingdom. Despised by all, he takes refuge in Grand Vizier Cheney’s undisclosed castle and generally lets the kingdom fall to pieces in his absence. Duke John the Really Elder, a longtime fixture at court who was said to have been wildly jealous that George got the push he felt was his, assumed he was next in line. He beat back the now demoralized challengers in King George’s court and seemed poised to assume the throne. After all, the Town Crier’s Guild just loved him.

As Young Barack prepares his rebel army to challenge Duke John the Really Elder, he is himself challenged by the warrior princess Hillary for the right to lead the rebel army into battle. Young Barack pointed out how he disagreed with the decision to invade non-barbarian kingdoms – something Hillary supported and was now recognized as one of the Kingdom’s Worst Ideas – and that made him the best person for the job. Warrior princess Hillary pointed to her lineage and time fighting in the ranks of the rebel army and refused to budge. And so they dueled. A battle of wits at first gave way to pointed blows, then bright blue bolts of political sorcery. When the smoke cleared, warrior princess Hillary conceded defeat and pledged her sword to young Barack.

At the castle of King George II, minus the king, Duke John the Really Elder and his own sorcerers, learned at the feet of their master Karl, hurled down their attacks at the approaching rebel army and their new leader. They employed the Wright gambit, the Ayers directive and the Celebrity feint. The Duke’s sorcerers cast all manner of political spells to divide the rebels, but the army had learned from their new leader. Now organized and responsive, the rebels were anticipating attacks instead of defending against them, surrounding the castle and laying siege. Young Barack gained entrance and rose through the tower, looking for Duke John the Really Elder. They met at the uppermost turret, swords drawn, sparks of red and blue political sorcery dancing from their fingertips. They moved in close for the final engagement and then………

IT”S NOT TOO LATE TO WRITE YOUR OWN ENDING! POLLS ARE STILL OPEN!

Because I’d love to know the ending too.

– Michael Turner