Naked News (08-11-09)

- Wondering what’s the 2009 equivalent of “the dog ate my homework”? It’s “the cat downloaded my child porn.” Seriously.
- In the you’ve-got-to-be-f&#*ing-kidding-us department: South Korea paints parking spaces pink to designate them for women in heels.
- Kathy Griffin continues to endear herself to us by bringing Levi Johnston as her date for the Teen Choice Awards.
- Washington D.C. will offer free STD testing in high schools.
- Will the new health care plan provide free sex changes?
- Greek woman turns man’s penis into an Olympic torch after he refuses to put it away. Ah, sweet, liquor-fuled, fiery revenge.
- Throwing underwear on stage is so last year; Adam Lambert’s fans toss SM sex toys.
- Governor Sanford’s wife decides that she’ll be better able to “heal the family” from outside the Governor’s Mansion, and so she packs up and leaves. We can’t wait to see what kind of bad poetry this will inspire Sanford to write.
